#10

57

If you are new to Hearthstone there’s a good chance this card has fooled you into trying to make a deck that can actually activate the +5 attack enrage effect.  First you decide you must run a buff card.  Then you must use that buff card on the same turn as Angry Chicken, because if you leave him on the board with 1 health he’s a goner for sure.  Next turn you pray that your opponent doesn’t silence or remove him immediatly at 2 for 1 (or zero) value.  Then you must deal damage to the Angry Chicken for +5 extra bonus attack!  Hooray!  You did it!  Here’s 5 achievement points for being a big enough moron to run this dumb thankless bird in your deck.

 

#9

12362

This card pisses me off right from the start in wanting me to type out “V-07-TR-ON” If I care to talk about it.  I’m not going to do that, his name is Voltron and he’s a piece of crap.  This is another deceptive card where you look at it and think “wow, that’s really good!  I could totally pull off a big combo with that and kill my opponent in one turn!” but the catch is that you are never going to pull it off.  You need this stupid ass card to stay alive for an entire mid/lategame turn PLUS two other mechs.  You’ll have better winning a fortune with gas station scratch and sniff lottery tickets, so maybe invest in those instead.

 

#8

559

Hey look, another worthless bird.  Novice Engineer is a 1/1 that lets you draw any card and doesn’t see play… this crappy fowl lets you only draw a pirate who happens to be part of one of the worst tribes in the current game. Whopdedoo this bird can eat my ass.  A little bit of peanutbutter and birdseed right in my ass and this dumb creature wouldn’t know the difference.  It would probably actually enjoy it and so would I.

 

#7

12218

I don’t want to just make fun of cards because of how they look, but also for being flat out terrible.  If we’re going to be serious for a moment we’ve got to realize that this is the second worst spell card in all of hearthstone.  You spend 4 mana to play a random minion from your hand AND a random minion from your opponent’s hand.  In order for this to be worth it your minion needs to cost 4 more than your opponents minion.  Unless you pull a Ragnaros to their Angry Chicken this card is never worth playing.  Some people have tried to use it in malygos combo decks but it’s way too gimmicky to ever line up the way you need it to.  I hate this card because it’s a piece of trash.  I have nothing funny to say about it.

 

#6

27

If you’ve ever played the world of warcraft you would know that this card fails to represent what a booty bay body guard is actually capable of doing, which is juggling you through the air with a flurry of shotgun blasts while you helplessly flail around like a moron and then die.  In this game, the booty bay body guard politely bows to you while you blast him in the face for 4 damage like it’s nothing.  Originally this guy wasn’t going to make the list until the evil heckler was announced today.  Exact same stats, minus one mana cost.  Welp, booty bay bodyguard, you look like a real bitch now.

 

#5

562

For a card that looks like a crazy rapist this guy is actually a complete pussy.  Any card that trades with a 2 drop or a 2 mana spell is a pussy-ass card and if you think for just one second that paying 6 mana for a pussy-ass card is a good idea then you’re dumber than a pile of rocks.  The one exception is the upcoming Justicar Trueheart because she’s a complete babe and actually has a cool battlecry that doesn’t require you to combo out either.

 

#4

564

This is the face of a man who is ready to die.  His wife left him, he has no kids and no aspirations.  This guy is worthless and he knows he is.  He is the only card in the game framed so closely to his face and that’s because we’re supposed to see the gloom in his already dead eyes before we kill him.  He lived for nothing and he’ll die for nothing.  Maybe that one damage he deals will matter, but probably not.

 

#3

339

If you are a person who ever thinks it is funny to roleplay as a gnome than there is a good chance that I hate you and would love to punch you square in the nose.  Millhouse is a bad meme of a card and will only get worse as time goes on.  There are some cards you might think “well, this card could eventually be decent given the proper meta or addition of new cards” but not Millhouse.  His fate is to be a dumb meme and his headstone will most likely read “le derp I am dead XD”.  It makes me sick to my stomach to even think about.

 

#2

206

Here it is, the holy grail of trash cards.  If you are new to hearthstone and open this card I recommend turning it into arcane dust just to avoid the risk of accidentally putting it into any of your decks.  Paladin secrets are already famous for being bad, but this card shouldn’t even cost mana.  In fact, if this card gave you one extra mana for playing it like a coin does people still probably wouldn’t use it.  What ‘Eye for an Eye’ should really do is shuffle 3 copies of itself into your opponent’s deck.  So when they draw it their deck can be equalized to the same shitty level yours is for having ‘Eye for an Eye’ in it.

 

#1

362

Magma Rager has a reputation as the laughingstock of the hearthstone community.  I wasn’t sure if this card deserved #1 on the list until today when Ice Rager was announced.  Apparently blizzard is a big fan of kicking men while they are down.  First booty bay bodyguard and now this sorry idiot of a card.  If he wasn’t worthless clutter in your collection before, he now officially is.  If you ever are browsing your binder and you see Magma Rager looking back at you, make sure to spit on your monitor right in his dumb face.

 

About The Author

Luke

I'm into massive multiplayer online gaming communities. My online alter ego is 18 feet tall and has wings like an angels, but also like a demons. His name is Yogzula. Yogzula can fuck anything and he will and has. Women. Devils. Angels. Animals. If you meet me online by Grub's tavern, I will show you where the treasure is hidden.

One Response

  1. Kalyan

    Enough…You are one of the best writer out there. All those classic insults. Had a pretty good laugh, thanks buddy. Oh and yes pretty accurate info, but i have seen videos where eye for an eye made ppl win game. :P

    Reply

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